pond.scum

Life on the pendulum

2006-12-30T21:43:00.000+08:00

Do you feel that sometimes you have too much time to accomplish your tasks? Time weighs heavy and you do not know how to spend it? You feel bored or unaccomplished becux you are so free? And you feel a sense of emptiness when a part of you feels that you could have done much much more with your life? On the other hand, are you one who feels that you have too little time to spend, work drains so much of y0ur energy that you long for that much needed break from work? When you get home from work, you feel so tired & drained, but you feel a sense of accomplishment cux you have given it your best shot for that day? What A contradiction. Part of you longs for free time, but when you have it you don't know what to do with it and you feel empty or unaccomplished as a result. When you have too little of it, you feel that your life is dictated by work and you then wished you had more free time.

I choose to call it the tranny of life on the swing. Or as my blog title would have it, a life on the pendulum. We are constantly seeking a balance. But how do we balance out the 'positive(s)' or 'negative(s)' in our lives? Are we beings so 'positively charged' that we plan and dictate our every move, always ensuring that we are living our lives to the fullest. We worry whether we have enough finances for the future and work hard to build a rich retirement nest with our spouses and try to plan for our future. Or are we ppl filled with negatively with lives? Always being pessimistic about everything and too lazy to move out of our comfort zone to attempt things which we have never tried? Too self assured and not open enough to listen to new ideas or suggestions by others to move beyond our current state of affairs and transcend beyond our mindsets.

Should we seek to balance our the postives & negatives in our lives then? How do we strive toward a balance and how do we even begin to measure it? But i feel a sense of imbalance right now. A part of me is filled with the positves, yet another part of me is endowed with the negatives. Sometimes i feel that the pendulum is swinging more on one side than the other. Sometimes, the other side weighs heavier. Is conformity a good thing for people then? You have a stable job, you know that your future is assured, even though it's not much. Or you seek to venture to the unknown where many treasures may be unfolded. I feel that sometimes stability is a blessing in itself. Even though whenever i have it, i take it for granted. Now i wished i had it once more...

Job Hunting Tips

2006-02-16T20:42:00.000+08:00

After going for 5 rounds of interview, i was fortunate enough to find myself a job which matches my interest..thank GOD!

A friend described job hunting as a mentally exhausting experience, i fully agree. On top of spending an enormous amt of time trying to polish one's resume without blemish, i had to seek out various companies and find a good job match - this is not often easy as the number of positions and the type of jobs available may not match one's requirements. After a person sends out his application to the corresponding company, he waits patiently - albeit sometimes without any reply (HR depts receive huge amts of solicited/unsolicited mail everyday)

The breaking points comes when an applicant receives a call/email from the HR manager - Victory?!...yahoo!...Hang on...That's only the begining of obstacle 2.

Obstacle 2 - Bearing and turnout is impt if ure applying for an executive post. A long sleeve shirt and tie is the minimium. In fact, your overall appearance and grooming portrays what kind of person you are (kempt/unkempt/organized/responsible). Try not to smoke before that cos ur interviewer would be really turned off by your bad breath, especially if he or she is a non smoker. (smoke all you want after the interview). Depending on the industry ur applying to work in, e.g. you also need to find the location of the company and how to get there ( i use streetdirectory.com). Bigger Engineering firms are usually located in the East or West, so be prepared to travel longer distances, but they also pay more.

Obstacle 3 - Preparing for the interview. Be prepared to be boombarded with loads of questions by your interviewer. For Engineering jobs, usually there are 2 rounds of interviews - first by the HR manager, then by a senior engineer. The questions by the latter are usually technical based. So its better to be prepared. I usually read about the company via their website and find out about their company profile and philosophy, and what products they are dealing with. (sometimes you may also find out after doing this that your not suited for the job, so this presents a dilemma whether to even turn up for the interview - i juz treat it as acquiring interview experience)

Obstacle 4 - Actual Day. Arriving at the company, you may be asked to fill up their application form again - i find this quite tedious. (don't HR ppl bother to read your resume where you provided all these details?) which brings me to my point - sending out your resume is not an end in itself, it's a means to an end. An applicant with a lousily written resume may not even be granted an interview to begin with. Next, you attend the interview - so far mine always lasts more than 1.5 hrs, so its quite stressful cos you have to be seated the whole time.

Then comes the next crunch - they tell you that they'll inform you if your selected. I always leave the companies feeling de-moralised after this. Why can't they tell you they'll hire you on the spot - well i guess maybe that's only fair for the other applicants. So i was overjoyed when my interviewer told me: "i don't usually tell my ppl this during the interview, but most probably your in".. and that really boosted my confidence. And they informed me near the end of the day itself. Phew!

If one doesn't hear from the corresponding company, the entire process is repeated - job search, send out resume, wait for company to call, research on company before attendin interview, attend interview, wait for company to call.

That's why i also find it mentally exhausting.

Makan Buaya Sutra

2005-09-11T02:11:00.000+08:00

I'm kind of counting down to Nov 23. Yupz that the day of my last paper. Sch's kind of a chore right now, i find myself draggin myself to some of my classes.. even though the mod this semester are interesting to say the least. But i tell myself to relish the last days of being a student. Yes, after that i'll be entering into the harsh realities of the corporate world (where not just big fish eat small fish but smtimes small fish eat big fish as well) So i've made up my mind to embark on an entourage around campus (the canteens lah) to savor all my favourite stalls in school, namely SOC canteen (miss the Yong Tau Foo), arts (oily chicken noodle), engin?? (ok lah the indian food's not so bad afterall - dat's the only stall in school selling prarata leh! )

Luckily I managed (hopefully) to have found some kaki for my final tour (makan la). Oh and the famous 24hrs Fong Seng (which frankly i don't find the food reallie fantastic but is a supper haven for late night gargoyles, especially those stayin in the hostels) I've also made a mental note to visit olio dome at the cultural centre, haven had the chance to dine there before (expresso anyone?)

Tick tick tick, assignments are coming in as usual. Got lots of datelines to meet as usual. And i've half the zest to pursue the dates (jia you jia you!)

The unexamined life is not worth living ~ Socrates

Paradoxical nature

2005-08-26T17:40:00.000+08:00

[warning - seriously boring stuff ahead]

Sometimes i wonder how fate arranges itself; when you try so hard at something, things never seems to be satisfied. When you aren't trying; somehow chance creeps up from behind you AND silently taps you on the shoulder only to satisfy your needs; mostly when you least expect it - only sometimes we choose to ignore it before we realize its too late. Is nature playing mind games with us? Or is it us who fail to appreciate it's intentions. AND i use the word 'FATE' so sparingly like i truly believe in it already. Let's try to put the word FATE into perspective. Is it determined by a higher being? Or is it something created by humans just to amuse or appease ourselves of our feelings of insecurity and hopelessness? Let's say we don't believe that GOD exists. Would we still believe in fate? If GOD does not exist, then we can't say that it was created by GOD; only a concept created by humans or something else.

If we believe in GOD, then we also believe in that he has concrete plans for us and dispenses it in the form of fate? Is it then more reasonable to say that we believe in fate in this way? That we must believe in GOD to believe in fate then?

Right now, i'm not too sure whether i still believe in GOD though i still appreciate the usefulness of religion - to instill morality and all those things that we need to thrive as a good morally cultured society. Just imagine a world without religion - can pop culture and the internet ensure our survival and teach us how to live cohesively and peacefully in a world where countries use the strength of their army or the size of their nuclear warheads to avoid dominion? So therefore i still believe in religion - it teaches us how to behave as good natured ordered compassionate beings - which pop culture and the internet does not (think counterstrike, think internet child porn, think online gambling). To elaborate on that point, someone brought up a valid point in class today - That one of the advantages that the young have over older folks is that they are more technical savvy. Its generally true. However, we are also living in an age where ppl choose not to express their opinions and thoughts through face to face human interaction - even our former president once lamented that everything is so impersonal today (sending an email to a friend when he or she is just beside you - sounds familiar?), we express ourselves through a medium like a blog (as what i'm doin now) or through some local forum. What happened to good ole 'no frills' communication between one fellow human being to another?

The irony of it all - even as we progress, we seem to be advancing backward. I realised that i've gone way off topic as usual, really apologize for that. If you've survived reading this seriously boring entry till this far, congrats. Well, you've made it till this far.

roger

Pulau Ubin

2005-08-14T23:51:00.000+08:00

To the little island we sailed,
on a fisherman's wooden boat,
how inefficiently the engine choked,
with shrouds of smoke came a coughing,
and sphews of smoke came adrifting
Ahoy! we arrived and mounted the tigers,
and sped through the trodden trails on them
then came a drizzle passing,
their droplets rained refreshing
to the coast we finally went,
and rested with ease with the canon-man
trees we climbed and sand we trodded,
to fulfil the wishes of the vain
back to the harbour we rode in style,
and embarked on our journey back
to the small island from whence we came,
where the winds of change was inevitably there,
for the people who lived in luxury there

On a little island lived the old,
and simple common folks there,
where rambutans and coconuts paid their dues,
and offered simple meals
but the tides of change was shielded there,
by the simple brick waters bare

-rog-

Wireless broadband

2005-08-14T00:19:00.000+08:00

Finally got my wireless broadband installed. Seems great but service activation of 1500kbps will only take place on the 1st of Sep. Therefore tentatively still running on 512kbps. It was kool that i was able to use the wireless lan card which came with my labtop - i tot i'd have to purchase another one from the vendor - thus saving a considerable amt of $. Another kool thing is i can choose to run on cable ethernet which seems to be alot faster in terms of data transfer, disadvantage is i've to plug in.

'confused and frustrated i am,
my head pain a throbbing,
my right seeking harmony with my left,
does harmony come from finding peace within oneself?
or does harmony come from finding peace with others?
if frustration came from within,
resolve it soon one will,
but what if frustration came from the other,
but unable to explain oneself to such,
how else can friendship continue?
Alas! how does one envy childhood!
where naivety reigns but happiness abounds,
Can solace be found in pple then?
wheresuch is ruled by self interest,
how does one explain oneself to such?
shld friendship then continue on?
Does ignorance provide asylum from insanity?
to such a state go i must!'

- rog -

Something Unexpected Happens

2005-08-09T11:43:00.000+08:00

I was becoming damn sian when i suddenly told myself, dun settle for something less, but at least something you'll be interested in.. so i went ahead and bidded for a philosophy module and another management module...after much anticipation and worrying plus heavy bidding, thank God i now have an excess module to decide which one to drop. *Phew*

PH1101E Reason AND Persuasion (dept of philo)
MNO1001 Management AND Organisation (fac. business)
MKT1003 Principles of Marketing (fac. business)
IT1003 Infomation Systems AND Applications (sch of comp)
ME3281 Microsystems Design AND Application (fac. engin)

Hmmn, which one shld i drop ah...hahaha. Of course with the exception of the engin module =( .
I was thinking of dropping either one of the bus. modules.

The folks and i went for Karaoke lastnight at Serangoon Gardens - had heaps of fun. Keith AND gf, Perry AND wifey, Jem AND me, oh of course Joanne's sister and cousin as well. So this Joanne try to matchmake the cousin and i and she's supposed to be from my sch and she's a maths Major. OMG!!

Something unexpected happened before that to my brother which dampened my mood before that, so i was kinda in NO mood at all for karaoke. BUT later realised there ain't much i could do too and furthermore he was aldy at home. BUT i got into the zone when jem and i started singing and it turned out to be not too bad afterall. Still feel abit guilty that i went for karaoke despite.

It's TUesday morning, our 40th year anni. Perhaps its not relevant, but i always remembered this quote from the movie independence day...another one of my fav war story quotes "to be inserted later".

Starting sch again on thursday, after such a long hol (3 months). Managed to achieve quite alot of stuff. Here's a quick summary. Spent 5 weeks in Brisbane AND Sydney, Met up with NS colleagues, Met up with ex-coursemates, Met up with old friends, Clubbed excessively, taught abt $600 worth of tuition, spent abt $1000++, ordered new broadband 1500kbps next month, completed some games on PS2 - well almost, until system hang, went for president star charity concert, went for karaoke, read about 1 book, BUT now concurrently reading 3 other books (one of them on quaterlife crisis) =( Watched Pulp Fiction, Wickers Park, The JFK Assasination, Tomb Raider, Fantastic 4, rewatched Trainspotting, The Chamber, Ali G The Movie, The DVC decoded on DVD, oh plus reformatted my labtop abt 6 times due to some problems, of cus reinstalled the corresponding software 6 times as well, learnt some new songs on the guitar, Tidied up a section of my room abit. Sent 'hate' mail to my sch's admin. Wnt to support keith in the mini manhunt at RAV. That's about it. Oh plus i set up this new blog which is more accessible compared to the one in friendster.

Stuff i didn managed to do -:
I didn manage to tidy up another section of my room yet(blink), didn get to paint my room, didn get to develop the photos from my trip to Australia(about 0.9GB lor), couldn or wouldn exercise enough to lose weight, in fact i gained 5 kilos after aussie. Didn go to Shanghai with dad, didn go for STOMP concert, didn get to go to GEYLAND for BEEF HOR FUN and YU TIAO DA WANG, didn save enough money for the trip in NOV, didn get the modules i desired, didn take up keyboard lessons, didn spend enuf time with my bro, didn unpack some of my lugguage since i came home a month ago!!!

I guess there's more, will make addendum later if i rem...

ramjet

p.s plus i havent gone to church for half a year aldy...sobs.

Stupid CORS II

2005-08-05T15:30:00.000+08:00

Appeal Details
--------------
Appeal No : 13254567889
Appeal Type : Others
Appeal Reason : I need to add modules: GEK1234 and GEK 4321 in order to fulfil my graduation requirements for Nov 2005. Pls assist to add the modules. Due to the system sever being down, i wasn't able to increase my bids at the last moment during round 2A.

Appeal Result
-------------
Approve Authority : -
Authority Remarks : Many students out there are in the same predicament as you right now.

You may file an appeal via CORS only after round 3E if you are still not able to successfully bid for the module.

Please go through the CORS information for returning students on "Appeals for ULR modules" posted at the Engineering Undergraduate website (http://www.eng.nus.edu.sg/ugrad) carefully.

In the meantime, please also try for other modules.
Appeal Result : NOT APPLICABLE

So what if "many students are in the same predicament as i". SO by telling me that, am i supposed to feel more assured or affirmed that i'm not alone in this shite!?. I need constructive advice on what to do, not passing statements that any LAZY BUM sitting on the office desk is capable of suggesting. "Please also try for other modules" was the specific instruction given to me. Let me tell you, if i can try for other modules, i will. The entire meaning of making students take cross faculty modules so that they become more WELL-Rounded individuals is LOST. It's lost through all the red tape on campus. It's LOST because students are FORCED, i repeat FORCED to take modules which they have absolutely NO INTEREST IN. Well, they dun explicitly physically FORCE YOU, BUT they most certainly do their utmost to discourage you from taking modules from other faculties other than your OWN. WHY DO I SAY THAT, because i've a friend who said that he spoke to this darn lecturer, he told him 'WHY the hell do you think we gave u so much points in the programme account?!, SO that you can bid for modules from your host Faculty, duh!", I recently heard from a friend ARTS Students are given 500 points in their GENERAL ACCOUNT compared to 250 points for ENGIN students. I have not yet ascertained the TRUTH of this. BUT it would mostly certainly be FUCKING UNFAIR if that was so.

Most of the admin staff in NUS seems to be pushing the responsibilty to one another. 'Oh can u call so and so instead?', 'oh u haven't satisfied the pre-requisite or have taken a preclusion modules before?' 'Can u check because i'm quite sure' - YES i bloody have, i sit in front of my labtop for at least 3 hrs everyday musing through the DAMNing CORS website and wondering why in the world did they come up with such a user-unfriendly system. Module codes are listed without module NAMES. How the fuck am i supposed to know which module is what. INTEGRATION - the word is integration (HINT).

FUCK CORS. Let's revert back to stoneage. At least ppl are rewarded for taking the effort to wake up earlier n ballot for their modules.

Holy Blood Holy Grail

2005-08-05T15:20:00.000+08:00

Reading a book now titled "Holy Blood Holy Grail", written by authors Michael Baigent, Richard Leigh AND Henry Lincoln. Which, according to the Da Vinci Code Decoded DVD, was the book which started the controversy on whether it was propable that Christ did not die on the cross and that he was instead married, a father, and kept a bloodline till today like any other human being. It was first published back in 1982, largely ignored by our generation till the DVC by author Dan Brown sparked up the entire debate once again.

Stupid CORS

2005-08-03T18:06:00.000+08:00

Right. I've placed bids for - Complementary Medicine & Health (Dept of Pharmacology), Dynamics of Interpersonal Effectiveness (Dept of Social Work), and Infomation Systems Applications (Sch of Computing). Managed to secure Microsystems Design aldy.

Its jus so bloody competitive. The CORS system didn seem to be able to accommodate the sudden influx of students loggin onto the website 2 hrs before the auction closing time. What a turnoff it was. They actually extended the closing time from 3 pm to 5 pm. BUT how the hell was i supposed to bloody know when i didn check my email, hey not everyone has FREE dedicated LAN internet access at home as opposed to NUS staff. The bloody system has been implemented since what - year 2002. Personally i feel that BY doin that, they have reverted to the essense of the old and unfair system of balloting - Hey first come first serve hor! FUCK You late comer, who ask you dun check email huh, who ask you to relax relax lah, whilst others are busying refreshing their email inboxes every ten seconds waiting for new mail, Orby good lor who ask you to watch dvd between 3 to 5 pm. FUCK CORS! Haven't you bloody learnt ur lesson during the past 3 years!!!!?? What the FUCK is all those admin and IT managers and implementors doing? ROME wasn't built overnight but the builders sure learnt alot in the course of 3 years!

My sch has never failed to disappoint me. Thanks for the bloody nice farewell during my last semester.

A Dwelling of Tears

2005-08-01T00:18:00.000+08:00

I felt a dwelling of tears at the airport today. It feels weird dat one can have such mixed feelings of a person whom is deemed to be so close yet so soo far. Mixed feelings of hatred, anger, betrayal yet pity and a longing to be close to all at the same time. Sometimes you find it impossible to talk to him - you wished he wasn't ard, you can never agree on anythin you talk abt, other times the things he says jus fires your heart up and you feel a tinge of sympathy and pity and somehow you know that deep down inside, dat person is still impt to you.

Yes. We'r always fighting for words whenever we talk. BUT today, i suddenly had the feeling inside of me that i'm losing dat person, jus as the sand flows through the crevice of the hour glass - It suddenly dawns upon you that time is running out, you need to slow it down BUT you can't. I've this feeling that i'm gonna lose my dad when he goes to Australia. It jus reminds me of the time - how we lost our grandfather. Ignorance of health seems to be bliss for him - BUT it pains his loved ones (me) to watch him decay bit by bit everyday, (I'd better quit smoking soon) and the fear that one fateful day, that person will no longer be in our midst. He probably knows this too, which explains why he always keeps mentioning that he might not be around in the not so near future. Oh shit i feel like crying.

Being at the airport does help at all - its a place for goodbyes n sad farewells (unless ure goin for honeymoon) AND standing at the glass partition and saying bon voyage was not easy for me at all. I fought the dwelling of tears in my eyes and hoped that no one saw. Don't think anyone did, but i did see that mom couldn't hold back her tears as well as i. At the back of my mind, I told myself I have to be strong and live my life in such a way so that ONE day, probably in the distant but apparent future, that when it comes for me to have to bid farewell to my loved ones, it wouldn't be that hard for them and for me.

The thought of death always humbles one to such an extent that everythin else seems trivial.

If we had a 2nd chance to live our life. I confidently and solemly say that it would NOT be the same. But the crux of the matter is we DON"T. Death beckons like a slow decaying tree in the forest. The day will come when we shall fall and from earth whence we came, we shall return to it in the same way. Pray then that we are left with only the cherished memories of the days spent together...

Creatures of the Night

2005-07-31T05:28:00.000+08:00

Alrite. Here's the deal. I can't sleep. Cos' of my fucking cough. Mayb i'll jus follow mom n dad for bf at 7am later. Didn reallie catch up with dad since he came back from Shanghai except for dat day when i brought him back to ole Punggol Jetty to look at all the changes that had taken place during his absence. So mayb the least i oughta do is to follow em for bf. He's leaving again for China later during the day. This time en route to Australia. A real globe trotter dat man. I Can't keep up with him despite him luggin dat big pot belly - well fyi he has durian snacks before bedtime. Dunch knw when would he be coming back. Well, at least he's leaving the youngest son here so i guess he'll be back pretty soon to visit.

Had this conversation with a fren the other day. He keeps refering to me and jem as 'prince charming' of Serangoon - of course i don't take him seriously. BUT he brought up a point which kept me wondering ever since. I mean i knw abt it but haven reallie given it much thought. He said he couldn't understand how these 2 princes weren't attached - i mean despite all their iniquities and bad points, he feels that he could see no reason why we were not. Of course he went on to mention his views abt our good naturedness and all, qualities which he thought was outstanding abt us and no reason why any fair lady out there could see it as anythin lesser than lacking. I recall he used the word 'resist' - so i guess you can get the gist of it without me spelling it out in full. TRUTH is, i've been asking myself the same question. Mayb we take ourselves too seriously, mayb we take too much pride in ourselves. Mayb we... Mayb we fucked up somehow somewhere. Was telling my cousin from aussie via msn that mayb fate has not beckoned yet - I was tellin him mayb when he gets more settled in his studies, its time to look for a galfren=p

Mayb the whole issue here is not that we've no partners in Love. But rather we've not found smthing meaningful to do with our spare time - and that makes us feeling lacking - both in physical company as well as our own emotions. Mayb we ought to find somethin to occupy our time more. Like goin back to church and stuff. Be involved. Whatever it is, love is not a split second kinda thing that solves all our problems - at least for me. In fact i think being in a relationship brings on a host of other newer problems.

So mayb i should just relinquish my feelings of 'anticipation' for company and channel the joules of energy to something more worthwhile instead? Hmmn, feeling sleepy aldy.

Hmmn, does bloggin make one sleepy?

choose life

2005-07-30T14:57:00.000+08:00

Choose to wake up everyday not knowing what to do. choose to sleep at 4am in the morning when some folks are jus waking up to a new day. choose the filterless fags that infiltrate your lungs with damaging nicotine. choose to club every wednesday night and come home in the wee hrs of the morning smelling like a fag soaked in tequila. choose friday night. choose to have pre-marital intercourse. choose to booze like a alcohol addict. choose to poison your liver with that. choose to be a self-centered individual not knowing what the hell the world is up to. choose to be angry with your dad for everything. choose to gorge yourself with junk food. choose to be fat. choose to be a lazy fucker. choose to stay unmarried all your life. choose to be 50 years old with No kids to call your own. choose to sit in front of your labtop 6 hrs everyday. choose to waste your time complaining on your blogs abt life but not doing anything concrete to resolve it. choose to be anti-social and miss out on all the ladies. choose pride. choose money. choose to be unhappy. choose false friends who only call you when they need your company. choose to die alone.

or choose life.